I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
