My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
