so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize