you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize