i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
