I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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