I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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