When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
