maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
