you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize