when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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