You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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