today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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