Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
