sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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