In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
