Your dad touched me again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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