Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.