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Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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