She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf