UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.