I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize