Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.