if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off