How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.