Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex