if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.