We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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