I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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