Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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