I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.