That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry