remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.