When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off