I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day