Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
