All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
