maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Two words: blizzard sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
