i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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