What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize