i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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