This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
