I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They took my balls.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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