the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
