Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
