I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.