i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.