The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too