We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store