My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.