On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister