I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
3 2 1 whiskey
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
