apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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