i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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