I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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