also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
