it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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