I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
