yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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