i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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