from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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