Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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