He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A+ Viking dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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