So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize