Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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