FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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