i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
